For formal dining, nothing beats Langley Park McDonald’s. Whenever I take a date to the Kennedy Center or opera, our first stop for the night is always the Langley Park McDonald’s.

To be sure, this McDonald’s cannot compare to the finest French restaurants, however it does have a certain allure. Admittedly, the décor could be improved. I’d like to see starched, white linen tablecloths adorned with sterling silverware and the finest of crystal. Scented, floating candles on each table, dimmed lighting, and a babbling waterfall in the corner would give this eatery the mood it deserves.

Soothing baroque lute piped in via the best hi-fi sound system would add much to this McDonald’s.

I conversed with the chef and discovered we both had gotten thrown out of the same Parisian restaurants. He explained that he studied the art of fine cuisine under the renowned Monsieur Wendy’s. He invited me to sample the latest batch of french fries, and my response to him was: “I aver, these do have a unique bouquet.”

“Compliments of the chef,” he replied. I was stunned. Had he just given me free french fries? My esteem of this place rises even higher.

If you and your date are both childless, I still recommend ordering an extra Happy Meal to take with you, because they often come with a toy. Be sure to mumble something about the babysitter, though.. Note – formal attire is a must when visiting this place. The maitre-D will throw you out plenty fast if you’re not black tie. Also, the valet service is basically non-existent.

When visitors from other nations bemoan that America has no culture, take them to the Langley Park McDonald’s. There, they will eat their words.